Inside Battle
by HeartBeatFailure-x
Summary: Gaara battles with himself as Shukaku goes on a rampaging killing spree. Stuck, unable to do anything, Gaara clings to the hope that his efforts will one day prove to be a success. ONESHOT!


He's not one to cry. He barely ever cries. Even though his heart is drowning in pain, sorrow, resentment, rejection? He sits on his bed, staring at a blank wall, eyes concentrating on keeping his face stoic. His lips form a straight line, he doesn't bother to notice that his smile could be meaningful, he doesn't bother to smile. No' one smiles back. His eyebrows curve into a frown, his thoughts burst and his eyes close shut tight. Why did they all hate him? It wasn't his fault he did those things, so why do they still hate him? Do they still fear him? He didn't want them to fear him, he wanted them to love him. He wanted people to love him, car for him, help him feel the things that people should and could. It was hard to do so on his own. On his own…Alone. His eyes opened as he glanced around the room. He basks in the thought that **he** isn't here…but he's always here. Always there, watching him. Listening to him. He could never not be there. But he wasn't talking…that was enough for him. His breathing slowed from his frustrated shallow growls, to calm and saddened waves of air. He closed his eyes once more, listening to the world outside. Kids crying, laughing, talking…his eyes opened at the words he longed to say.

_Mummy! Daddy!_ The kid outside said it with so much love…he could never say it. He hated it. Did he hate the kid for saying it? No, it wasn't the kids fault, it was his fault, for not being able to feel those feelings. Raising a delicate hand, he tried once more to prick his finger with the needle. He frowned, as sand particles built up protectively around his finger. He dropped the pin. What was the point in living on this beautiful planet, in this beautiful place, taking up someone's space, if no' one wanted him there? He certainly didn't want to be there, no' one wanted him there…and yet, he couldn't die. Not a quick death anyway. Shame really. More hours alone, blanketed in a dull and echoing silence, save for the people outside. He stood up from the bed, walking over to the window of the small dark room. His fingers rested unsure on the window sill as he stood up on his tip-toes to see the people and happenings outside. He couldn't understand it.

He craved attention. He craved love. Yet, he wouldn't let anyone near him because **he** wanted him all for himself, to use his body. To manipulate his movements, hurt those he possibly cared about. A woman walked past, laughing with what looked like her husband. Would he ever be able to love like that? Probably not, not unless ihe/i left. His eyes widened, realising that he would probably be severely punished later for saying things like that. He should be glad that he was alive, and not dead somewhere. The young boy's head fell as he made his way back to the bed, sitting on it so his legs were hanging over the side, and his elbows on his legs, his fingers knitted together. How could he live, if he wasn't living a life of his own? He couldn't make his own choices, he had to have a "second opinion", he couldn't do anything privately, for ihe/i was always there with him, he certainly couldn't decide if he wanted to live or die, because of two reasons. One being he couldn't kill himself, and two, because any thoughts of suicide whilst his imaster/i was awake weren't tolerated. He was grateful his **master** was asleep now… he could be free of at least something, but it didn't take the heavy weight from his shoulders.

His family…where had they gone? Did they run away too? He hadn't seen them in a while… His eyes closed as a sharp pain ran through his head. He remembers now. He killed them. His only true friends. He killed them, murdered them, brutally. Only…it wasn't him. It wasn't his fault, he couldn't have helped it. Could he? No. He couldn't stand up against his Imaster/i. It would result in internal pain, something he had become accustomed to now…but it still hurt none the less. It was the only pain he had ever encountered. Internal pain. He wanted emotions. He wanted feelings. He wanted a life-

**_But you have one…aren't you happy with it?_** Shukaku smiled, knowing the answer.

_Of course I am master_

**_Thought so… I'm awake now Gaara…it's my turn_**

_Yes master…_ The young boy sighed, letting his body become used to having the second life form inside of him. He felt himself be pushed back as the demon took control of his body, standing up and blowing the locks off the door, and the chains from the security door after that. Sitting quietly, at the back of his own mind, curled into a ball, Gaara watched and listened. People screaming, blood flying. He was letting this happen. He couldn't do anything…nothing. He was powerless. He felt the blood on his arm as his master massacred the people in the street. People he wanted to care about, people he wanted to care about him, people he wanted to know and have a friendship with. It wasn't possible. Because of his master, he was cold and distant; he wasn't allowed friends, or feelings.

He felt like crying. He's not one to cry. He barely ever cries. Even though his heart is drowning in pain, sorrow, resentment, and rejection, but he's crying now. Sitting in the back of his own mind, watching the massacre unfold from his own eyes, powerless to stop his master. He concentrated on keeping his face stoic, a distraction from his wanted feelings. His lips form a straight line, he doesn't bother to notice that his smile could be meaningful, he doesn't bother to smile. No' one smiles back. But he does. His master does. But he doesn't want his master's smile…but he'd never let his master know that. After this village's massacre, he'll try again tomorrow night. With the pin and his finger, maybe a knife and his wrist or throat. He won't give up. Once his master is asleep, tired from his brutal killing, he'll try again, following the famous phrase. "If at first you don't succeed, try try again" And he'll keep trying. He'll keep trying till it works. Till he's dead and his _master_ can't hurt anyone any more. This, he promises himself.

**AN: -- This just randomly came to me...i'm sorry! It's a little bit dark...but...hey, it sounded good the first time. **

**Enjoy!**


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